Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
