guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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