my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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