I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
