I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
