I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
