Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
