So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
