I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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