I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
