Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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