I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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