yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
