ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize