My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
