Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
