Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
