If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
