JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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