I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize