Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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