God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you traded sex for a burrito?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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