I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
