i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
