The brown eye won't let me do that either.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
