we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
