i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
