it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
