i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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