Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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