i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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