i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
