the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm too high and old for this...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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