Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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