he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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