I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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