so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
