She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wish there were birth control emojis
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize