now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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