I didn't shave. On purpose
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it because I queefed?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
