I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
