Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
