Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
