when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
