I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize