Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
