i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
