Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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