I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize