My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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