All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
