shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
