Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
