Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
