who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
