Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
