I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
