That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i think my cat just said my name.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
