I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
