i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
