When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize