I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
