that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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