theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
