I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
