I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
