You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
