he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
