ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
