as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
