She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
