I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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