I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
