I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
