He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
