Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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