Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
