I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
