When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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