If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize