Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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