White coat. Heels.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
