grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
