Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
