How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
