I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
