dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
